As long as a person is split within himself, he either criticizes, condemns, etc. others, or oneself. If such words and actions are most often directed at the outside world, then this is aggression. When in relation to oneself - then it is auto-aggression. There is no difference, only the objects of attack are different. Neither one nor the other brings peace and satisfaction to its owner.

How to change the attitude towards yourself: 7 ways

As a rule, such behavior is inherent in people who are unsure of themselves. Although at first it seems that the one who openly expresses his aggressive manifestations on others is more confident. But this is a myth. Aggression and confidence are incompatible and mutually exclusive things.

The trouble is that people who actively express aggression to the outside world do not admit to themselves that they are insecure and will not seek help. Most often they are self-confident and egocentric.

I appeal to those who "eat" themselves. Here they just see problems in themselves, suffer, worry and want help.

Probably the first thing I would like to note is that it is better to underestimate yourself a little than to overestimate yourself.
I explain. If you underestimate yourself, then you have the potential to grow. Dissatisfaction creates a sense of tension and encourages action.

You want to develop, improve yourself and strive for excellence. It means that you are not standing still (at least in your thoughts), you are growing. Knowing and remembering this helps you understand that you are moving forward, although you may not be comfortable with the speed.

Second: you have great power if you find in yourself the ability to control emotions without "dumping" them on others. If you think about it, you can find ways to use your inner strength for growth and development.

And now about the promised seven ways to change the attitude towards yourself:

1. Know that you are unique and unique.

God created you exactly the way you are. And if you do not love yourself right now, then you are offending God, because he tried so hard and put all the best he could to bring you into the world. You have great potential, because you had the power of birth.

2. Diligence.

Although God did his best in your birth, know that without your own efforts you will not achieve anything. If you begin to do at least a little something useful for yourself, you will notice how you gradually begin to change your attitude towards yourself.

3. Stop comparing yourself to others!

This is such a thankless task! Your insecurity will only grow, why do you need it? You are no better or worse than others. Imagine that humanity on Earth is grains of sand in the desert. How can one grain of sand be better than another? Do they compare themselves? Each grain of sand is needed exactly the way it is. It is best to compare yourself today with yourself yesterday: what did I do today to get closer to my dream?

4. Find your strengths.

If it is difficult to see them in yourself, then you can prescribe them daily until you get into the habit of seeing not only the bad in yourself. There are no people consisting only of some shortcomings or some virtues. In the end, we ourselves determine what is considered a disadvantage and what is a virtue.

5. Practice seeing the world as a whole, not in black and white.

As usual, such a division occurs in a person: lack is bad, and dignity is good. The desire to evaluate all the time causes suffering. In fact, for example, is being stubborn a good thing or a bad thing? In each, in each situation, quality, trait, there are two sides.

6. Suffering comes when you focus on the "bad".

Learn to see the "good" in the "bad" and combine these two sides. This is called Mind.

7. You are more than your body….

Many people identify with the body and think that we end with the body. Hence such close attention to external beauty. But we are more than our body, than thoughts, than feelings. Such Knowledge will help to survive the fear of death and loneliness. If you practice, then one day this Knowledge will become yours ....

Happiness is inside, not outside! Discover this source

Notice that when you think of a person who is pleasant to you, the first thing that comes to your mind is a pleasant image of that person that caused a positive feeling. When you thought about a person you don't like, a negative image would appear in your mind and, as a result, you would have a negative feeling. This image of you is formed on the basis of situations and experiences associated with this person. If the experience of interacting with a person is good, then the feeling will be positive and vice versa.

The feeling is formed by those positive/negative pictures that arise in the mind (you barely notice them) when you think about this person.

But the secret is that you can choose these paintings yourself. And then you will send completely different signals to the brain that hello you to a completely different state. You will react differently to a certain person.

I want you to actually do this exercise.

1. Think of a person who is unpleasant to you, but you would like to establish a normal relationship with him. (I want you to do all this with an unpleasant person, and you will see how your attitude changes. In this case, you will most clearly see a change in your attitude.)

2. Immediately pay attention to the image that arises in the mind when you just thought of a person. Pay attention to where exactly this image appears in you (right in front of you, to the side, to the left, to the right), what this image is (big, small, clear, bright, etc.). Try to notice all these details.

3. Describe on a piece of paper the image that comes to your mind when you think about this person. For example, a picture of a past experience pops up in your head when this person offended you. You feel a slight anger and dislike towards this person.

4. Destroy the negative image (in your imagination you make this image dull, smeared, small, and then send this image to the sun, where it burns and turns into ashes). Let's practice first. Look at something. Now close your eyes and reproduce this picture in your head. Is it clear enough, are the colors bright? Next, make all the colors dull, desaturated, smeared. Reduce this picture in your imagination and send it to burn in the sun. Do the same with the image that arises when you think about that person.

5. Think about what you like best about that person. Describe this quality in detail. Recall past positive experiences with this person.

6. We put a positive image in place of a negative image. Refer to point 2. In it, you described exactly where the negative image arose. That's it in the same place and put a positive image.

7. Create an association. Think about this person again several times and make sure that a new positive image appears in your head. It is enough to scroll through this desired image for a few minutes. Remember Pavlov's experiment: when the bell rings, it means it's time to eat, and the dogs salivated? So you must create an association when you think about a certain person, so that the first thing that pops up in your imagination is a positive experience and a positive image. And then everything is simple: a positive image causes another positive image, and it seems to you that a person has so many positive qualities. Why didn't you notice them before?

If you already have a good relationship with a person, and you want to improve it, you need to do the following:

1. Think about this person and remember what images arise in your mind.
2. Recall your experience and choose an episode when you felt the best feelings for this person.
3. Replace the original image with the one when you had the best feelings.
4. Strengthen this image. Imagine the best image of this person. Now move it to the center of your imagination, enlarge it and make it as bright and colorful as possible.
5. Strengthen the image in your mind.

Understand the main thing: your attitude towards a person is formed on the basis of the image that arises in your mind when you think about this person.

If you change this image, you will automatically change your attitude towards this person.

When you change your attitude towards a certain person, his attitude towards you changes in the same direction!

I want you to remember right now the state when you were deeply in love. Do it right now!

I am sure if you describe your loved one, you will not indicate a single negative quality. Why? Does he have negative qualities? Of course have! It's just that you're focused on those few qualities that you're so fascinated with and you just don't see the bad qualities. And therefore, when you think about this person, only positive images pop up in your brain!

If you think about the person you hate, you will find only negative qualities in him. Doesn't he have good qualities? Of course there are, maybe even more than negative ones. But you focus on the negative. Your experience of interacting with this person was negative and, as a result, the pictures are also negative.

A very important point: you can control the attitude towards any person by changing the images that are associated with this person.

You can do the opposite as well. Let's say you need to fall in love with a person.

You are doing everything exactly the opposite. You destroy those good images that are associated with that person and replace them with bad ones. The next time you think about that person again, your brain will get a negative image and you will form a negative attitude.

We'll talk about how to manage your experience and remove unnecessary memories in detail next week.

I'm sure you get the gist of it. You concentrate on the positive or negative traits of a person, depending on what is needed. You heard the same idea in the movie "The Secret".

I want to add that a piece of paper will help you in this matter. If you describe everything on paper, it will be easier for you to form an attitude.

Why do I always recommend paper and pen? Because when you write down, you structure your thoughts and put them in order. On paper, you achieve extraordinary precision, which cannot be done in the mind.

Hello dear readers! Sometimes you feel like everything is going wrong. There are fewer things to please. Friends are less willing to make contact. A constant feeling of dissatisfaction interferes with a normal existence. The thought comes to mind that it is time to change the situation, but how to do it?

In principle, you yourself understand what needs to be done, it is not necessary to search on the Internet, but all these simple tips are so difficult to implement. They require incredible, confidence that everything will work out. This factor is just not enough.

Foundations are formed in childhood

Indeed, most people are laid in early childhood. For many people, this thought becomes a lifeline: "I have already formed and now there is nothing to fix." You have no idea how many clients come to the psychologist's office to talk about how much they have been affected.

Many of us, for some reason, are very passionate about the search for the origins of the problem. However, it does not lead to further investigation and solution of the problem. For example, a woman treats any, even the most joyful event - negatively. In the course of a conversation with a psychologist, she realizes that the problem lies in the fact that her mother behaved in exactly the same way.

What happens next? The woman shifts the blame to the parent and, at every opportunity, begins to tell a sad story to her loved ones, explains this behavior to her colleagues. Now this reason serves as an excuse for acting with the usual schemes, which, in principle, suit the girl.

Of course, such an approach, if you want to change your attitude towards yourself and the world around you, is unacceptable. Stop turning your life around with negative characters.

How often do we hear: “My first husband beat me and now I’m men, I can’t build relationships”, “My mother did everything for me from early childhood, and therefore I can’t.” Understand that a person does not stand still, each of us can change. That negative hero no longer has power over you. Now you become your own enemy, poisoning your own life. We are growing up, and you are no longer like that five-year-old child on whom nothing depended.

Finding the root of the problem is useful in that it helps you let go of the situation instead of dwelling on it. I can recommend you a book on the subject: "How not to poison your life with harmful thoughts" Hanne Brourson.

Stop blaming everyone around you

Forbid yourself even to utter accusations against other people for a while. Somewhere I read the Caucasian sages. One of the points I was very surprised and remembered for a lifetime. Agree, this rarely happens with articles from the Internet. So, Caucasian elders forbid themselves to complain in the presence of any person. They are completely for their lives and believe that the results of their lives are only the consequences of their own decisions.

If you have - you are to blame, because you could not get a proper education and a better place. Yours? It means that you did not have enough intellectual abilities to find a common language with her and properly establish a life. Do you hate people? And again, the reason lies in yourself.

The Caucasian sages are too much to admit their own imperfection and complain about those aspects in which they themselves once showed inconsistency.

Thoughts materialize

Unfortunately, now the phrase that has been turned into something fantastic. Many people have the impression that this has something to do with the tales of goldfish. It is enough to wish for a car for yourself, as two from the casket will bring it to you on a saucer. Psychologists explain this theory in their own way.

The reaction to any event is the consequences of your thoughts. Two people in the same conditions can feel differently: one will be absolutely happy, while the other is constantly grieving and complaining. Our thoughts and words form not only, but also the attitude towards him, our life.

How to do it? Everything starts small. Books do the best job of restructuring the emotional background. They contain a cure for many "diseases". Start reading more light, joyful literature. Dandelion Wine by Ray Bradbury, "A Dog's Life" by Peter Mayle, "The Woman Who Went to Bed for a Year" by Sue Townsend.

Many articles have been written about this or that wrong behavior of loved ones. Often, this is like a cry from the heart, talking about how difficult it is to accept the current circumstances, and even more so, to change the attitude of a loved one for the better in relation to others, including yourself. Those people who are written about most often do not read such articles, or even after reading their own, far from positive portrait, they do not see, or simply do not want to see themselves in the article, they do not have a desire to look into themselves. Or as soon as you start talking about how women should behave so that there is harmony in relationships, then many women rage and complain that everything has been dumped on their shoulders, but when it comes to men, right away - they most likely won’t read this will, or after reading, will refer to the fact that these are some kind of myths, so what to do?

How to look into yourself

Many people, unfortunately, are used to looking for the causes of their own problems, and the saddest thing is to find them in the people around them. With what words often “Do something with ...”, sincerely believing that the problem is with someone else, without thinking that the problem is often in ourselves. The person himself is often a provocateur, but, not noticing this, he only reproaches others for misbehaving towards him. Such a person, like a flame, continues to inflict burns, each time wondering why everyone around is so negative towards him. Let's try to see the wrong behavior in ourselves first, before redirecting all the arrows to others, changing our attitude towards the person.

"The first condition for correction is awareness of one's guilt" Seneca

Yes, it is much easier to shift all the blame on the people around you, most often considering your case as exceptional, that in your situation, the whole thing is in others, but not in yourself. This is truly the most difficult step - to look into yourself and see and recognize the wrong behavior in yourself, and even more so, start working on changing your character for the better. You can talk for a long time that working on yourself is hard work, give clever analogies that self-improvement is like climbing a mountain, but will this help a person see that it is he who is behaving incorrectly, acting as a provocateur, why harmony in relationships is melting every day.

The first option is when:

• You live a quiet and peaceful life, and when you never meet people on your way who will either be rude to you or be rude.
• There are one, two or not so many people in your environment who love to gossip and wash the bones of people, constantly focusing their attention on only negative character traits. It is not surprising to hear something negative from such people, including in their address.
• You have a close relative, often in the person of your parents, who constantly creeps into your life with his obsessive advice, striving to criticize at every opportunity.

In the above cases, our problem is not how the people around us behave towards us, but how we react to what is happening, what kind of response we have. This is what will be discussed in the second part - , about how to change the attitude towards a person. For now, I would like to say that, at least, one should not answer people with the same coin, trying to be higher than this.

“The smarter and kinder a person is, the more he sees goodness in people, and the more stupid and evil, the more he sees shortcomings in others” Lev Tolstoy

The second option is when:

• Around you are people of the same temperament, for example, lovers of criticism, tactless, or at every opportunity who want to deceive and grab more for themselves.
• You attract people of the opposite sex with similar negative character traits into your personal life. For example, what is not a man is a drunkard or a sissy. Or that not a woman, so domineering or a bitch.
• Every second person repeats the same phrases to you, forcing you to think and change your behavior, for example, “Speak more quietly and do not raise your voice,” “Be more restrained,” or “Stop constantly criticizing and complaining about everyone.”

“You say that all around you are bad people. If you think so, then this is a sure sign that you yourself are very bad. Lev Tolstoy

I often noticed a picture when some acquaintance criticizes another person, and, as if describing his psychological portrait, but he himself does not see it. As a rule, when something irritates us in others, on which we focus our attention, and which we cannot calmly relate to, then most likely it is in ourselves, sometimes pride speaks in us, or at least, it hurts our personal beliefs. This is the case when we need to try to start with ourselves, look into ourselves, although it is also difficult for us to admit the fact that something is really wrong in our behavior. We can say that we are afraid of losing ourselves, we are afraid to leave the comfort zone, giving up what we have believed in for so long, continuing to remind our ego over and over again that everything is in order on our part.

Or if the husband / wife is not sitting at home, and you constantly blame your loved one for this, then it may be worth considering why his choice most often falls in any other direction, but not at home. Remember how your time together goes, maybe you just often swear and quarrel, and for a loved one it’s like an outlet, or you don’t have common interests, and nothing brings you together. To change the attitude towards a person, you need to look into yourself, do not be afraid to take this first and difficult step, instead of looking for excuses for your behavior every time, afraid to take responsibility, blaming others. Think about how your relationship has changed over the years, and if it has deteriorated year after year, then maybe you should try to change your behavior, throwing aside phrases like “Why exactly should I change, let him change himself”?

It is not uncommon for us to understand that the problem is inside us, but it is hard for us to admit it to ourselves and to the people around us, so we try to protect ourselves, often starting to look for flaws in others, especially when they start to put pressure on us. Or a person recalls from his childhood and not only what kind of reaction of others followed the confession of his guilt “son, tell the truth, and you will get nothing for it” - and when the son told the truth, then the parents, as a rule, behaved far from it as they promised. This makes a person hide his wrong behavior, feeling that it will only get worse later, since he has already gone through it, as a result, he begins to deceive himself, forgetting about the wrongness of his behavior.

There is no need to be afraid to take the first steps yourself, since it is the expectation of when the other will take the first step that most often destroys relationships. Yes, many of us have made many mistakes in relationships, but you can try to gain strength by telling yourself that all is not lost.

“A mistake is not a problem. The unwillingness to draw conclusions from a mistake is the problem.” Vyacheslav Ruzov

It is necessary to try to draw the right conclusions by analyzing your past experience, and, without giving up, continue to go with the flow into a far from bright future. We must try to take the main responsibility in our lives -. Yes, you can not change and continue to be most often in difficult life circumstances, or still believe in a happier life, and at least try to change your behavior for the better. "To please others?" - many people will ask themselves, trying once again to find an excuse for themselves, so as not to look inside themselves, so as not to change themselves, so as not to change their attitude towards others.

"Most people are only as happy as they choose to be"
Abraham Lincoln

Many people are really fixated on the idea that changes are only aimed at satisfying the whims of others, when, in fact, changes occur within us, which is why this is reflected in our lives in the first place - it becomes easier, better and happier. Because the very first thing that changes is our attitude to the situation and what happens, we become more satisfied in the same conditions. Looking inside from ourselves, becoming harmonious personalities ourselves, building the right relationship with ourselves, we have harmony with others. I know many cases of improving relationships, when at least someone started the changes from himself, against a negligible number, when everyone tried to change only the other, without trying to look into himself.

“Don't complain about your life. Ask yourself: what have I done to make my life better?
Unknown author

These are just a few suggestions that I hope will help you think about your behavior. Before blaming others for everything, it is always worth looking into yourself first, which is why I began the article by highlighting this issue. Further, it will be discussed how to relate to the behavior of people around, how to change the attitude towards a person and how to create harmony in relationships - which I wanted to write about more. I will give only in addition to what has been said, a parable.

Parable "Can you hear me?"

One husband wanted to help his wife, who he suspected had hearing problems.

One evening he stood behind her at the opposite end of the room and said in a whisper:

- Can you hear me?

There was no answer, he came closer and repeated:

- Do you hear now?

The result is the same.

He stepped closer and asked:

- Can you hear me?

Hearing no answer, he finally repeated his question, standing right behind her.

She turned to him and said:

- For the fourth time I say: Yes!

It happens like this: we think that something is wrong with others, but it turns out that the problem is in ourselves.

Harmony in relationships. How to change the attitude towards a person?

“How to deal with criticism from other people, especially close people?” - often asked a similar question by many people. In this or that article or lecture, we find a description of how such critics and other individuals with negative character traits should behave. We are surprised in relation to a loved one “Well, how can he behave like this, does he not understand that this is wrong, that this causes a lot of anxiety to the people around him.” And many, inspired by the acquired knowledge, begin to believe that they will tell everything through logic and prove how to behave. But, close people most often either do not want to hear us, or do not listen to what we tell them, and their behavior does not change, or many begin to become the same, further destroying relationships.

“The real austerity is to endure the stupidity of loved ones” Vyacheslav Ruzov

Most people, unfortunately, treat the people around them in the same way as those around them treat themselves, considering this behavior to be quite logical and justified. It is easiest to adhere to such behavior: they shouted at you - you answered, offended you - you do not forgive and take revenge in response, and further in the same spirit. What is the freedom of action of such people - it is close to zero, such people do not look inside themselves, such people do not control their lives, others control their lives, as if pulling different strings. Such behavior does not lead to an improvement in relations, such behavior closes any opportunity to change the attitude towards other people, such behavior only aggravates problems in relations with others, and why are we better than that other person from whom it all started.

“If you treat a person the way he deserves it, he will remain the way he is, but if you treat him like a person, as he should and can be, he will become such a person” Johann Goethe

I think many of you sometimes noticed how when talking about the same person, there were absolutely opposite opinions, as if it was about two different personalities. In every person there are both negative character traits and positive ones, and depending on what we focus our attention on, we are in contact with it, just as an optimist finds positive moments in the same circumstances, where a pessimist sees only negative. Sometimes it is enough to hold a grudge against a person once, and relations will begin to deteriorate more and more each time, as we begin to relate to a person in accordance with what impression we have formed about him in our mind, when, in fact, a person it might be completely different.

“And isn’t it smarter: to live praising life than to scold it and still live” Leonid Nikolaevich Andreev

In order for there to be harmony in relationships, try to see the good in people., although this is most often not easy, or at least track your negative attitude towards others. There are people who see only the bad in everything - they won’t tell them themselves, or don’t tell them anything, they will see some kind of negativity everywhere, they will criticize both the government and the neighbor, in general, everything that catches their eye. And how can you live like that, constantly criticizing and complaining, I somehow thought. Slowly, a critical attitude towards such people begins to develop - that's what I noticed behind me, that is, one person sees only the bad, but when we listen to this person, we also see only the bad in him - so how do we differ from this person then. That is, we criticize a person for criticizing others - well done, what can I say.

"He is ill-bred who cannot bear ill-bredness in others" Benjamin Franklin

It turns out a vicious circle, and it is born when we stop noticing certain negative behavior behind ourselves and stop turning our gaze inward, which eventually turns into a habit, and it becomes more and more difficult to resist our own wrong behavior. And when in relation to a person an attitude that has taken root over time is developed, then even more so to establish relations with this person, or to him, is a rather difficult task, which at the first stages could be solved much easier.

“Whoever wants indulgence for his own shortcomings, let him be indulgent for the shortcomings of others” Horace

Sometimes we condemn the behavior of a person behind his back, but we do not talk about the wrong behavior of the person himself. There are times when it is enough to talk openly and honestly with a person. But not in a claim form, but in a normal way, saying, dear friend, such an attitude is not right on your part - and he understands everything, changing his behavior for the better. When we nevertheless open up to loved ones, they sometimes go to meet us, it’s just that many people often don’t notice something behind themselves, or they think that their behavior suits everyone - everyone just has their own norms. Therefore, instead of complaining to everyone around, find the time and energy to talk with the person himself, try to find a common language with him, and perhaps he will be able to understand you.

“It is easy to preach to others, but very rare is one who actually follows what he preaches. Setting a good example is the best way to preach. A man's strength increases if he follows principles." Hita Padesh

When we are able to look into ourselves, we are able to begin to change ourselves, and we are able not only to change our attitude to surrounding circumstances, but also by our example to change the behavior of loved ones - I continue to be convinced of this principle from time to time. Do not try to transfer the load of knowledge onto other people's shoulders, try to follow the knowledge you have received, setting an example for others. If a person is not able to accept some information, then often this means that you are not able to give him this knowledge and the strength to follow this knowledge. If you have received this or that knowledge about how to live, maybe God wants you to follow him - think about it.

“If there is no work on ourselves, we start working on others” Vyacheslav Ruzov

We must put ourselves in the other person's shoes in order to be better., given all that a person has gone through in his life, which will help us at least not be offended by him so much. When we are heavily involved in intimate relationships, it is not easy for us to change our attitude towards a person, just like if we quit smoking and were in the company of people every day where everyone smokes and compromises us. It is necessary to learn to internally distance yourself from a person, not trying to argue with him and sort things out, without proving anything.

“The one who does not want to change his life cannot be helped” Hippocrates

A loved one sometimes worries about you very much, so he tries to control everything, often criticizing you and giving unsolicited advice here and there, trying to show his love in such an inept way. For example, I just try not to get into an argument at this time, sometimes it’s enough to agree with the words of the interlocutor and he calms down, especially when the conversation takes place on the phone - “Yes, yes, of course, don’t worry, but we follow this, and We'll take that into account as well, thanks for the advice." For relationships to be harmoniousmost importantly, do not argue and prove your own, people do not need the truth, they need love.

Try to respond to the worries of loved ones with calmness and humility, but when we get annoyed every time in response, the situation only escalates. Sometimes people are often in some kind of fear - in this case, try not to talk about what can cause anxiety in a person, raise more positive topics for discussion, try to calm the person when he talks about something bad. It is necessary to gradually instill peace and a positive attitude in a person, but we ourselves must be calm, conveying this calmness to others, trying not to take everything to heart.

“All people bring happiness. Some by their presence, others by their absence. Unknown author

Proper relationship building means the ability to keep the right distance with certain people. I think many have relatives with whom you can’t talk, argue or even quarrel, or who climb to you with their obsessive advice to your family - it can be some kind of aunt or grandmother, or even dad or mom. In such relationships, one must learn to keep a distance, if necessary, reducing communication, especially when after talking it’s not easier for you or your interlocutor. But at the same time, this does not mean accumulating anger - no, at this time, on the contrary, it becomes easier for us, we cool down, and we must try to tune in to the good that is in a person.

"Overcome hate with love, untruth with truth, violence with patience" Mahatma Gandhi

It sometimes seems to many that by deepening into relationships, that is, by starting to sort them out intensively, they can be changed for the better and harmony will come in relationships, but most often after such conversations, relationships only heat up and fall apart even more. Yes, we should try to solve problems as they arise, but I’m talking about something else now - when there is a certain tension in a relationship, then everyone feels an internal dislike for each other, and when a relationship is sorted out, at the slightest mistake, you can break loose. In order to change your attitude towards a person, you first need to begin to forgive a person yourself, forcing out resentment from your heart. There is a good practice for every day - in the evenings, mentally ask everyone for forgiveness and try to forgive all those people with whom you are offended or angry. Or a person is sometimes not ready for a serious conversation, then try to force him to talk with the words “Well, dear / dear, what worries you?” - not the best option.

Often the behavior of others in relation to us is due to our inner world, like a projection. Sometimes we just have not learned to love and accept ourselves properly, including allowing ourselves to be treated in a way that is far from being the best. This is especially pronounced in women, one of their main problems is guilt. When they are treated badly, especially by those close to them, it is usually harder for them to think that they are worthy of love, so you need to be extremely attentive to your self-esteem, trying to treat yourself right, and surround yourself with people who help improve self-esteem. Fill your life with bright colors more. When a man survives the pain in a relationship, on the contrary, he is inclined to take out his anger on others.

Or sometimes the people around us have a similar consumer and demanding character, as we ourselves. I have guys/men I know who probably only think about sex, building relationships with girls, and declare with surprise and indignation that girls come across on their way who are preoccupied only with their own selfish needs - one wonders what is the difference. It is worth noting that not only actions are important, but also our motives, and they are motives, as a rule, clarify a lot.

Communication has a significant impact on our character - when we are in an atmosphere of swearing and scandals, it is difficult for us to change our perception. A person when everyone around is drinking, but when he gets into the company of teetotalers, he has more opportunities. Also, in order to change that attitude towards life in general, and in particular the attitude towards people around us, we need proper communication, outside of those relationships where everything depresses and annoys us. This is not only less bad influence and compromise from time to time, but also gaining faith that everything can be fixed, that it is possible to live differently. Communication is the main force that changes our lives. Try to find and communicate more with those people who live a harmonious life, from whom warmth and love emanates.

A neglected relationship can be compared to a forest, and the worse the relationship, the closer we are to the center of the forest. It all starts with one step, but if we are already in the depths of the forest, it means that we have taken a lot of steps, and now, in order to get out of the forest, we need to take at least steps. Also in relationships with others - many people they spoil them day after day, and they try to fix them overnight, but this does not happen. It is also necessary to gradually restore your attitude towards a person, not giving up after each unsuccessful attempt. When we go back from the forest, it will seem to us that we are also somewhere deep in the forest, similarly, we will not immediately see changes in a loved one. At first, these changes begin to occur within the person himself, from time to time he will try to restrain himself, he will begin to have thoughts that perhaps he is doing wrong, but in his actions he may also seek to prick in response. So he gradually changes, starting to repent of his deeds over time, he resists and cannot immediately - this is a long and difficult process, remember this. In order for there to be harmony in relationships, you need to be patient and remember to look inside yourself. But also remember that every person has God-given freedom of choice - as they say, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink."

In conclusion, I will quote the following words:

“If you want the world to change, become that change yourself. If you want change in the future, be that change in the present.” Mahatma Gandhi

And a parable that also invites you to change your behavior and attitude.

Parable "To argue or to love?"

One day a little boy asked his mother:

- Mom, why do adults argue and get angry at each other?

“I don't know, baby. She replied, “It has always been like this. Maybe when you grow up you can change that.

- How? the child asked.

“Instead of trying to be right, try to be loving.

P.S. You know, if you have a problem with yourself, if you want change your attitude, then if you look at the article, in particular at the second part “Harmony in relationships. How to change the attitude towards a person "in a different way, by moving the cursor from They to I, you can also find no less advice.

For example, it is said that it is necessary to try to see the good in others, we can also look into ourselves, and instead of focusing on our shortcomings that everyone has, we try to concentrate on our good character traits, on our abilities and skills. When we allow ourselves to make mistakes, realizing that we are imperfect, as well as those around us, we become more forgiving of ourselves.

Also in communication - if we are surrounded by people who do not appreciate us, constantly belittle and devalue our dignity, then it will not be easy for us to accept ourselves, believing in ourselves and our strengths. And when there are people around who share our values ​​and beliefs, who see a lot of good in us, then it will be easier for us to see in ourselves the good that is in us. And where the analogy about the forest - instead of the forest of insults, it can be imagined as a forest of our shortcomings, into which people often drive themselves, from which we must get out step by step. And as I noted, communication is very conducive to this, as if you are being led out of the forest by a person who is well versed in it, who knows the way out into the light - the light of your virtues and positive character traits.